Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Disclaimer:

The movie I’ll be reviewing this week is rated: PG-13

Some content herein is unsuitable for children.

Alright! Here we are again with another franchise! Unlike the first franchise I covered with Indiana Jones, I think this one has a bit more down moments than up moments since I consider this franchise to only have one objectively good film with the others just kinda there. Luckily though, we get to start this analysis with my favorite of the films in the franchise: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. This is the movie that really started getting people thinking Disney films based off of their rides could be something really creative and interesting. While not the first Disney film to attempt to make a Disney ride into a film (that honor is reserved for The Country Bears), it is certainly the one that most people enjoy, me included. I also won’t be the first person to say that this was a pretty creatively bankrupt point in Disney’s existence since their hand-drawn classics were starting to stagnate and live-action films were starting to be seen as more mature and enticing to audiences at the time. However, since Disney was desperate to churn out those hits and bring in the big bucks like they were used to, they decided to take another risk on a film based on one of their most popular rides this time: Pirates of the Caribbean.

After seeing the trailers, audiences were initially laughing the concept off as something that was clearly Disney grasping at creative straws, but upon seeing the film itself, it won people over pretty quickly since it cleverly never took itself too seriously. Not only did it have some interestingly comedic moments, but most of the comedy had a dark and twisted taste to it which was uncommonly seen from the company at the time while having an overall mature feel which drew in more people. That and of course the iconic portrayal of the franchise’s main character Jack Sparrow at the hands of Johnny Depp hooked people even more. I’m going to be honest and say that I was always a fan of Johnny Depp’s performance as well since it was genuinely electric, but I can’t help but feel at least somewhat off-put by watching this series again in lieu of what’s happened in the actor’s life recently. I never watched the news or the trial as the story unfolded so I can’t really speak to what my opinions are on the matter, but even if I did, I wouldn’t want that to be a major part of my blog. The point of this blog is to talk about movies, how they’re made, what my thoughts are, and the impact they’ve had. Never will this be a current events or personal rant blog unless that rant is about how bad a movie is. Also if you like bad movie rants, stay tuned for Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I mostly wanted to mention this in case people were expecting me to talk about this and hear my opinion on it, so now you know where I stand on that and be aware I won’t be mentioning it for the rest of this franchise review (unless I want to joke about it (come on, you can’t blame me for that)).

So with that out of the way, we can officially get into my opinions of this first movie before we’re disappointed by everything that’s to come. Strap yourselves in, hoist the colors high, and drink up me hearties yo-ho! This is Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl!

So we start this movie off without the Disney logo because this movie is too dark for that as we open on a young girl named Elizabeth Swann (played by Lucinda Dryzek) singing the same song from the ride when Joshamee Gibbs (played by the underrated Kevin McNally) approaches from behind to warn her singing about pirates is bad luck.

*It’s bad luck to have a woman on board too. Even a miniature one.*
…Ew…

The girl’s father Weatherby Swann also happens to be a governor (played by Jonathan Pryce) and doesn’t want his daughter getting interested in pirate stuff. It’s gonna be a long franchise for him. Granted it is for the rest of us too, but that’s beside the point. Aside from that, the one thing that especially weirds me out about this flashback is how we see Lieutenant Norrington (played by Jack Davenport) as markedly older than Elizabeth and just knowing how he’ll eventually want to marry her when she comes of age. Sure it’s when she comes of age, but it’s still pretty nasty. I will say that I give it a bit of leeway since that’s likely how marriages were done at the time this movie takes place, but it doesn’t make it any easier to watch. Truthfully, most of this flashback scene is kinda nasty and weird when you think about it, but I will give it credit that it sets the bar high for the tone of the rest of the film especially when the ship comes across a young boy floating in the water (played by Dylan Smith) who’s nearly drowned after being in a shipwreck.

Be glad he’s still alive though, if this were the sequels he’d probably be dead.

After they hoist him on board and try to decide what should be done with him, Elizabeth discovers that his name is Will Turner after he jump scares most younger viewers (I was definitely one of them when I saw this movie the first time) and Elizabeth notices he has a rather peculiar trinket around his neck.

If you care about this at all, I advise you not to get your hopes up.

Much like what I said in the intro, Jack Sparrow is definitely what drew most people to this film and the rest of the characters (outside of the other pirates later) are pretty boring. I suppose Will and Elizabeth are…fine. They’re nothing entirely special though. What makes it more difficult to enjoy them is how they’re also main characters so they get a lot of focus alongside Jack Sparrow later and they really can’t support the film on their own. We’ll get a bit more into that real soon, but for now we end this flashback with Elizabeth stealing Will’s medallion and Elizabeth catching a glimpse of the Black Pearl in the distance before we flash forward to present day. Well, present day in the movie.

We see a now adult Elizabeth (played by Keira Knightley) waking up from a dream when her father comes in to give her a dress for Norrington’s promotion ceremony as he’s slated to become a Commodore. She…doesn’t like it. Meanwhile, grown-up Will (played by Orlando Bloom) is downstairs waiting to give Governor Swann his latest sword because he’s a blacksmith’s apprentice now. Getting back to what I was saying before, I’m really struggling to pay attention when the focus is on Will and Elizabeth. I ‘will’ (heh, get it?) give Elizabeth some credit that she can be somewhat interesting. While she’s not particularly complex or anything, she can still be quick on her feet and can get some genuine laughs. It’s obvious she’s interested in both pirates and government at the same time, being torn between two polar opposite worlds which ignites her sense of adventure and allows her to show off her cleverness on more than one occasion.

Will on the other hand…is so boring. His entire character is just pining after Elizabeth which is also essentially what Norrington’s character is, just more stuck-up and bossy. The main thing that stands out is that Bloom tries to play Will all suave and cool, but director Gore Verbinski kept insisting on set that Will was supposed to be a dork. I think I would’ve liked it more if Will was more dorky and socially awkward since that would’ve not only been a bit more relatable to the audience, it probably would’ve been funnier too. As is though, Will isn’t awkwardly funny he’s just awkward. They try to give him a bit of character by giving him a deep-seeded hatred of pirates, but that’s about the extent of it. All the while I can’t help but wish he did die in that shipwreck when he was a kid so he wouldn’t grow up to disappoint us. To be fair though, I’m not sure if I entirely blame Bloom for this, to me it just wasn’t the right casting. I think there are a few other actors that could pull off the adorkably likable loner better than Bloom. However, we can’t go back in time (unfortunately or fortunately).

In case all of that sounded un-fun to you, well the good news is that it’s followed by quite possibly one of the best character introductions I’ve ever seen in a film.

Jack Sparrow (famously played by Johnny Depp) is easily the biggest takeaway from this film and this intro encapsulates everything you need to know about him in under a minute. The main reason I enjoy this performance personally is because of the visual aspects. So much characterization comes across just from the subtle stances, mannerisms, and actions this character takes that creates the perfect poster-child for this franchise. He’s goofy, manipulative, odd, smooth, crazy, smart, and it’s hard not to love him whenever he’s on screen (except when you remember…”that thing”).

Naturally if you’re in any way familiar with behind the scenes info about this performance you’re aware that Johnny Depp said that pirates were the rock stars of their day so he played Jack Sparrow like Keith Richards. He also was extremely dedicated to the creation of this character and essentially hand picked most of his design details, each of which were okay’d by director Gore Verbinski except for one. Where the director drew the line was an artificial nose for Jack Sparrow. Depp proposed that Sparrow had gotten his nose cut off in a previous sword fight and replaced it with an artificial one that would fall off whenever he sneezed. Verbinski supposedly rejected the idea since he thought it wouldn’t quite match the feel of the rest of the film’s humor and could even be a bit too graphic for any younger viewers. In the end I think it was a good decision. To be honest I probably would’ve found a gag like that funny, but it would’ve also fundamentally changed the character dynamic from what we got in the final product.

Anyway, wasn’t this movie supposed to be funny?

What makes it even funnier is how the dock master still asks Jack to pay 1 shilling to tie up his boat.

So as the promotion ceremony of Commodore Norrington proceeds, Jack looks to commandeer a new ship for himself while everyone else is distracted. In the process he runs into two Royal Navy Guardsmen named Murtogg and Mullroy (played by Giles New and Angus Barnett) who rather ineptly try to prevent him from gaining access to the Dauntless. This is also about as good a time as any to mention that the dialogue can be very wordy at times. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with exposition, in my favorite Indiana Jones films the exposition was not only needed to help the audience understand what’s going on but it also helps to build up the items they’re searching for as being larger-than-life and otherworldly. Similarly to those films, that’s more or less what this conversation about the Black Pearl does too, although there are just a lot of conversations like these. For example: the back and forth between Jack and Will during their first encounter, when the pirates Pintel and Ragetti explain to Elizabeth what drew them to Port Royal, Elizabeth’s explanation of Parley, Jack’s speech about what a man can do and what a man can’t do, Gibbs’ recruitment conversation with Jack, Barbossa’s run-down of the curse’s history, and so many others. While it is all interesting, and even funny from time-to-time, it can get a bit tiresome.

Jack manages to skate past Murtogg and Mullroy’s suspicions until a certain someone falls from the cliff above them into the water. That someone is Elizabeth because her new corset has restricted her breathing so much to the point she passed out. I guess this is before fainting couches were invented. Since the two men enlisted in the Navy can’t swim (it was a different time, okay?), Jack decides to dive in and rescue her. Not before the medallion Elizabeth stole from Will sends a shockwave through the water. Strange. After bringing her back to the docks, Jack is stopped by Governor Swann, Norrington, and the rest of the Navy reinforcements where we discover a few more things about Jack. He’s got a pistol with only one shot and a compass that doesn’t point north (until the sequels retcon that). Everyone’s favorite character Commodore Norrington goes to arrest Jack and hang him for piracy, but Jack instead manages to elude them in trademark Sparrow fashion.

Now is probably the best time to mention that the musical score in this film is absolutely iconic. While most people are probably familiar with Hans Zimmer for just one sound that needs no introduction -

- this film’s score has so much energy, personality, and subtlety to it that matches the on-screen action perfectly to the point where I feel confident calling it one of Hans Zimmer’s best scores. If you don’t have it on any of the music streaming platforms you use, I strongly recommend downloading it.

With that aside, Jack makes his way into a blacksmith’s workshop where he manages to break his bonds with a…wheel. Not really sure how that works, but okay. Unfortunately though, this blacksmith’s workshop is the same workshop Will is an apprentice at! Funny how that works. Will of course walks in to find Jack which of course results in the film’s first sword fight which is very well choreographed and has some fun physical comedy thrown in for good measure. Depp, Bloom, Rush and many other actors put a lot of effort practicing sword fighting for the sake of this film (granted Bloom already had experience from Lord of the Rings) and it definitely comes through on screen. That and you also get some more visual character beats with Jack that you may not notice upon first viewing. This is highlighted when we see Jack challenge Will’s 3 hour/day practice by putting his footwork to the test which also distracts Will enough for Jack to move himself closer to the exit. We see it again after Will disarms Jack prompting him to cheat by spraying Will with sawdust and pulling out his pistol cementing his cutthroat pirate persona. When Will refuses to step out of the way, Jack seems reluctant to shoot him though. For now we don’t know why Jack doesn’t want to use his shot, but he will use it if he has to.

Of course this all comes to a head when the previously passed-out drunk proprietor of the workshop ends up conking Jack on the back of the head with a bottle right before the Navy bursts in. This results in Jack getting captured. Get used to that. On the plus side we’re treated to another ride reference!

That very same night as Elizabeth is winding down in her bed and Will is toiling away at the blacksmith there’s a change in the wind. Port Royal is caught up in cannon fire from the crew of the Black Pearl! In my opinion, it’s at this point that the film starts to get much more fun. Don’t get me wrong, there were fun moments in the movie before like Jack’s escape and the sword fight with Will, but the Black Pearl crew have such a strong on-screen presence it’s hard not to enjoy them. What’s even cooler about them is that it would’ve been so easy for the filmmakers to cast extras in these roles but they didn’t. Instead they actually cast character actors and as a result each of the pirates end up having their own distinct personalities which makes them even more fun to watch.

They make their way through the town pillaging and raiding as they go until they get to Elizabeth’s Manor. Also, I wonder what this butler thought was going to happen when he opened the door:

They go to kidnap Elizabeth because they see she’s the one with the medallion and she manages to stall them by smacking Pintel (played by Lee Arenberg) with a pan and showering Ragetti (played by Mackenzie Crook) with hot coals. What kinda confuses me about this is how they both seem to have painful reactions to these things yet the curse they have prevents them from feeling anything, so how does that work? Either way, she locks herself in a room and tries to grab a sword from the display (key word being tries).

Despite not having a well-developed character, Elizabeth can still be funny at times.

Instead she opts to hide in a hidden cupboard and make it seem like she escaped out the window when suddenly Pintel and Ragetti burst in. They’re not buying the window escape though so they try to coax Elizabeth out by explaining to her how they found the medallion. The shockwave that went through the water when Elizabeth fell in earlier is what called out to them and drew them to Port Royal. Elizabeth can’t stay hidden forever though which is revealed in this pretty cool moment:

*‘Ello poppet*.
I don’t know, that’s just cool to me.

Elizabeth invokes the right of Parley though which prevents Pintel and Ragetti from harming her until after she’s been taken to the captain, so they do just that. Meanwhile Will is having his funniest moment in the film.

It looks like he woke up and forgot how much he had to drink the night before.

Jack also tries to get himself out of jail using the same trick that didn’t work for the other prisoners before he’s interrupted by a couple of pirates. This is when we start to get more of an idea of what Jack’s relationship to the Pearl and these pirates is when they poke fun at Jack for being locked up and give us a first look at how the curse works.

*So there is a curse…that’s interesting.*

It’s also kinda cool how Jack’s “That’s interesting” line comes back around later in the film in a similar fashion, but for now it’s a nice preview of what the rest of the movie is going to be like. That and seeing the curse in action gives Jack an idea in this scene about how to get the Pearl back which will also come back into play of course. One thing that gets me about this is how these same two pirates don’t let the rest of the crew know that Jack is still alive when he isn’t supposed to be. When the crew runs into Jack again later they act as if it’s still a big surprise he’s alive, so why didn’t these two pirates tell the crew about Jack? A little weird, but not movie-breaking necessarily.

On the Black Pearl we’re officially introduced to Captain Barbossa (played by Geoffrey Rush) who’s clearly having a ball on screen and Elizabeth gets a chance to show off how smart she can be as well. When Barbossa refuses to leave Port Royal Elizabeth says she’ll drop the medallion into the water which causes him to change his tune. He asks Elizabeth her name and she says ‘Elizabeth Turner’. For the longest time I wondered why exactly she did that because it just never made sense. What makes it even muddier is when later in the film she admits even she doesn’t know why she did it, but I think I finally know why. After giving it some thought, she initially found the medallion around Will’s neck when she was a kid so she may be correctly assuming that the pirates are actually after him so she’s taking his last name to protect him. That and one of her handmaidens not that long ago told her that she was in danger by being the Governor’s daughter so she took Will’s name and pretended to be a handmaiden herself to dissuade the pirates from killing her or holding her for ransom as the Governor’s daughter. Either way, the pirates hear the name ‘Turner’ and are immediately interested. They agree to leave and never come back but take Elizabeth with them for reasons unknown to us for the time being.

*Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Turner!*

Oh yeah, and Will exists. He goes off to try to find Elizabeth or some crap, who really cares? I swear this guy has only two moods: blind love and annoyingly angry! Never do I get the sense when he’s onscreen that his emotions and actions are genuine, it feels so much like an act that it can be pretty painful. Since Norrington and Governor Swann aren’t allowing Will to help find Elizabeth, he takes matters into his own hands by lifting Jack from jail. Only after Jack learns Will’s name does he agree to help him which further cements how the name ‘Turner’ is an important one in this film and they find a ship to steal in a rather surreal way.

There’s probably a lot of reasons as to why that wouldn’t work…

…but this is a movie based on an amusement park ride. Why do I care?

After making their way onto the ship in question, that being the Dauntless from earlier, Jack points his pistol at the Lieutenant and says he and Will are taking over. This prompts the entire crew of a dozen people to…just let them, and Norrington tries to stop them on the Navy’s fastest ship: the Interceptor. Jack has an idea though.

Norrington and the Navy rush the Dauntless leaving no one left to look after the Interceptor which is pretty dumb. Naturally Jack and Will make their way onto the Interceptor when no one’s looking and sail off with it because who could’ve predicted that? Norrington tries to chase them but they disabled the Dauntless’ rudder chain preventing them from giving chase or even rotating the ship enough to start firing at them. This gives one of the Naval officers a chance to compliment the escaping pirates.

*That’s got to be the best pirate I’ve ever seen.*

*So it would seem*.
That’s the thing about Jack though is that he’s somehow both the worst and the best pirate at the same time.

So Jack and Will have a conversation about Will’s father whom Jack says was a pirate whose crew mates called ‘Bootstrap Bill’. Will doesn’t like this at all, because as I said before Will only has two settings, and Jack properly puts him in his place. Heck, at least it was short! They then agree to sail to the island of Tortuga to get themselves a crew. At Tortuga we’re reintroduced to Mr. Gibbs, but not before this brief moment that plays much differently in hindsight.

*Not sure I deserved that*.
The internet will be the judge as it usually is.

Gibbs on the other hand has found himself some interesting sleeping buddies.

So Jack buys Gibbs a drink and convinces him to help him by telling him about Will being Bootstrap Bill’s son. Barbossa on the other hand wants to have dinner with Elizabeth back on the Black Pearl. Given some creepy coaxing from Pintel she sits down to a bountiful feast that I highly doubt they’d be able to get out on the high seas when Barbossa tells her the tale of the treasure. The medallion is actually Aztec gold given to Cortes himself after his invasion of their homeland to stop him from slaughtering the rest of their people. It’s part of a series of 882 identical pieces given to Cortes in a stone chest that was cursed by the Aztec Gods on account of Cortes’ insatiable greed. Anyone who takes even a single piece from that chest would be cursed until the end of time. When Barbossa and his crew came upon the chest they took all the gold from it until they realized the legend was true and began rounding up the treasure again to return it. Elizabeth’s medallion is the last piece of the treasure and the curse can be lifted only when all the treasure is restored and the ‘blood repaid’. Bootstrap Bill’s blood to be exact.

Another thing I never quite got is why Bootstrap Bill’s blood specifically is the blood that’s needed to lift the curse. Later Will says something along the lines of it being “The blood of a pirate”, but there are so many other pirates in this movie that could donate blood to this cause, why does it have to be his specifically? One thing they push a bit in this movie is how Bootstrap was both a pirate and a good man, so I think that might have something to do with it since practically no other pirates in the movie fit that description, but it’s never outwardly explained. Which is weird because practically everything else is spelled out for the audience in this movie including the cursed treasure backstory I just spelled out in the last paragraph. Yeah the movie pretty much puts it the exact same way, so it’s a bit weird that they would keep this a bit vague. Back in the movie, Elizabeth doesn’t believe Barbossa until she stabs him in the chest and he doesn’t die then she sees the rest of the cursed crew in the moonlight which further proves Barbossa was right. Also, despite being such a simple concept with moonlight revealing skeleton pirates, it’s still really cool to me.

It’s something that despite being simple and quick to grasp, it can be portrayed in really creative ways kind of like what we saw before with Jack in his jail cell. We’ll see it done in even more creative ways later on, but even a shot like this is pretty cool. Even if it can be a little too goofy at times.

Yes, the essential ship trampoline. You really have all your bases covered.

Also this is a really good line.

*You best start believin’ in ghost stories, Miss Turner.*

Back with Jack, Gibbs whipped him up a crew including Zoe Saldana of all people and they set off for the Isla de Muerta where the cursed treasure of Cortes is and where Barbossa’s crew is heading. While waiting to disembark at Isla de Muerta we get another ride reference and Gibbs tells Will Jack’s backstory. He was in fact the original captain of the Black Pearl with Barbossa as his first mate, but Barbossa betrayed him along with the rest of the crew who lead a mutiny against him and marooned him on an island to die with a pistol and one shot. Since then he managed to escape, though sources are fuzzy on how he did that, and he saves that one shot for Barbossa himself. Well I’m bored again, can something fun happen?

Geoffrey Rush, we truly don’t deserve you.

So Barbossa and Jack’s crew arrive at Isla de Muerta at the same time and Barbossa tries to lift the curse with Elizabeth’s blood. Funny thing is that it doesn’t work.

So, what now? Argue of course! Well, these are definitely pirates. While they’re distracted Will sneaks in after knocking Jack out with an oar to rescue Elizabeth and take the medallion back in the process. It takes a bit more arguing until Barbossa and his crew realize Elizabeth’s gone and he sends everyone after her. That’s when they come across a familiar face.

*Am I not?*
Well you’re at least supposed to be knocked out, that’s literally what I just said.

So Jack gets captured again. As I said: get used to it. They don’t kill him because he knows who’s blood they need to lift the curse and he makes it a point to rub it in their faces. That’s part of what I like with Jack and Barbossa’s onscreen chemistry, it’s very easy to buy that these two have known each other for a very long time yet hate each other’s guts and they love getting on each other’s nerves. When Will and Elizabeth make it back to the Interceptor, Gibbs and the rest of the crew sail off and I stop caring again because it’s another Will scene. Please, the sooner we can get him off screen the sooner we can start having fun again. He has a conversation on the Interceptor with Elizabeth about the two of them, why Elizabeth did what she did, the ramifications of Bootstrap Bill being Will’s father and really, who’s listening? Once again these characters just slow things down and aren’t in any way engaging on their own without the rest of the movie to support them.

The good news is it doesn’t take too long to cut back to Jack and Barbossa arguing about what should be done about Jack’s information on the person who’s blood they need. Of course Barbossa eventually locks Jack in the brig for his Jack-ness as they start to catch up with the Interceptor. As was established earlier, the Black Pearl is the fastest ship in the Caribbean, “nigh uncatchable” as Jack put it, so it’s not looking too good for the Interceptor and her crew. Elizabeth tries to play it smart by trying to lose the Black Pearl on the shoals and dumping any ballast they need to speed up. It doesn’t work however and they have to resort to shooting whatever they have left that they didn’t dump off the ship out of their cannons. It’s a pretty nice buildup to our first official ship on ship battle in the film and it’s very well played out too. It’s both goofy and tense as the ships exchange blows and Ragetti gets a fork in the wooden eye.

This whole battle lasts for quite a while and is just the adrenaline shot this movie needed until eventually the medallion is recovered by Barbossa’s side monkey and the Interceptor is overpowered because of the whole enemy being immortal thing. Will ends up getting trapped below deck for a significant portion of the fight. I just thought I’d throw that out there in case Elizabeth was reading this review. In an act of victory Barbossa’s crew blows up the Interceptor, so does that mean Will is dead?

No…and I just grabbed out the champagne!

He admits he’s the son of ‘Bootstrap’ Bill Turner and threatens to kill himself if Elizabeth isn’t set free and the crew injured in any way. This results in Elizabeth getting dumped on the same island Jack got marooned on with Jack himself not too far behind. Say, now that we’re here, how did you get off this island the last time? Well, as it turns out the island was formerly used as a cache for rum-running and the last time Jack happened to run into said rum-runners and bartered for passage off the island three days after he was left there. Impressive indeed. Elizabeth is not as impressed. However, there is a bunch of rum left over and Jack can’t help but imbibe. Elizabeth then hatches an idea of her own which involves a lot of rum drinking and bad singing. Believe me, it gets smarter later.

One thing I’d also like to mention is how on the commentary track with director Gore Verbinski, he says that he considers this part with Jack and Elizabeth on the island to be the weakest part of the script since while they’re here on this island nothing of value is learned by either of the two characters. I guess I can see what he means, but I don’t think this is the right movie to do that sort of thing or the right characters to ‘learn a lesson’ as it were. Ultimately this scene is what leads to the two of them getting found by the Royal Navy which keeps the story moving forward at the very least and once again shows off how clever Elizabeth can be by burning all of the rum to create a giant signal fire while Jack is passed out drunk. It also leads to this classic moment.

However, if we want to talk about moral value between our leads, first there are two of them that need to be written more interestingly and relatable for that to come across, and this is literally a movie about pirates. The entire point is that they’re selfish, immoral crooks, just embrace it! Anyway, Jack humorously considers using his shot on Elizabeth for the loss of the rum until they’re eventually recovered by the Royal Navy and Governor Swann. Their initial reaction is to just bring Elizabeth back to Port Royal safe and sound, but Elizabeth wants to save Will. She eventually ends up convincing Commodore Norrington to help her by accepting his wedding proposal. Still creepy, dude. He then changes his mind and has Jack help the Navy set a course for Isla de Muerta which is of course where our climax will take place.

In the meantime Barbossa’s crew gets ready to sacrifice Will for their cause, but not before giving us the backstory on Bootstrap Bill. Yay, even more talking! Sure Lee Arenberg’s delivery along with Mackenzie Crook’s interjections makes it interesting and a little funny to listen to, but you’re really pushing my limits of exposition movie. Saying that out loud only cements how screwed I am for At World’s End. Upon reaching Isla de Muerta, Barbossa’s crew unloads their blood sacrifice and the Navy surrounds the island unbeknownst to the pirates inside. Elizabeth unsuccessfully tries to warn the Navy of the pirates and their inability to die while Jack makes his way into the island to negotiate with Barbossa.

*It’s not possible*…
You literally put him on the same island he escaped from before, what part of that is *not* possible?!

To me, what’s next is probably Jack’s best moments because his plans that he was formulating earlier in his jail cell are now coming together. It’s a bit complicated, but Jack ends up convincing Barbossa he’s on his side by warning him and his crew about the presence of the Navy and telling them they shouldn’t lift the curse until the Navy is “dealt with”. Then Jack says that by taking out the Navy, Barbossa can take the Dauntless as his own and thereby have the makings of his own personal fleet so long as he lets Jack be captain of the Pearl again. As consolation, Jack offers Barbossa 10% of whatever he plunders on the Pearl and by taking this offer, Jack says he’ll do whatever he can to ensure Barbossa earns the title ‘Commodore’. I’m not really sure how that’s going to work, I imagine corruption and manipulation has a lot to do with it though, and either way it leads to this funny line too.

*I suppose in exchange you want me not to kill the whelp?*

*No no no, not at all. By all means kill the whelp.*

It’s also here that Jack subtly winks to Will confirming that this is intended to be a double cross (or whatever numbered cross we’re on at this point) and plays with the cursed treasure a little bit. Barbossa is now thoroughly convinced and blinded by the prospect of Commodore, and sends the rest of his crew out to start dispatching of the Navy.

Before the pirates make it to the Dauntless, Elizabeth ends up escaping to free the rest of the captured crew on the Black Pearl leaving her father completely dumbfounded. The pirates then start their attack, yet the best part of this attack is strangely Governor Swann fighting with this disembodied hand.

Of course it’s not the main focus of the fight, but it’s definitely funny that the movie decides to just randomly keep cutting back to it. Also, I think Governor Swann has a lot of funny moments in this movie. While he’s not one of the major players, usually he gets a good chuckle whenever he’s onscreen and this instance is no exception. Back with Barbossa and Jack it’s revealed that Jack double, triple, or quadruple crossed Barbossa when Jack randomly starts fighting them. Here it’s also revealed that when Jack was playing with the cursed treasure earlier he intentionally took a medallion from the chest, because when Barbossa stabs him through the stomach and he stumbles into the moonlight: this happens.

*I couldn’t resist, mate.*
That’s pretty cool.

Really the majority of the climax is cutting back and forth between the fight happening on the Dauntless and the fight on Isla de Muerta in front of the stone chest. Eventually Elizabeth makes her way into Isla de Muerta after freeing the crew on the Black Pearl and she goes to help Will and Jack. After a lot of sword fighting, going back-and-forth between moonbeams, and stomach grenade-ing, Jack eventually shoots Barbossa. Wait, isn’t Barbossa still cursed? Actually no, because a few seconds ago Jack passed his medallion to Will and he only just now lifted the curse by returning both lost medallions to the chest and using his blood. It then leads to this pretty cool moment.

*I feel…cold.*
You know, for the longest time I thought he said “I feel old.” I’m kinda torn on which line I prefer, because I think both have a certain appeal to them. Mostly because both involve him getting feeling back for the first time *right* as he’s dying.

So Barbossa dies and the curse is lifted for the rest of the pirates which is when Gore Verbinski says on the commentary track that it’s this point where you realize the movie was kind of about something. With this I definitely see what he means. These pirates have spent their entire lives up until this point trying to get this curse lifted, and now that they have they’re about to lose everything else. Now they’ll be sent off to jail at the hands of whatever Navy soldiers they haven’t killed yet and probably sentenced to be hanged, and it’s all highlighted in this powerfully quiet moment.

But with the main threat of the movie taken care of, what’s left for us to do?

Oh right, we have to hang Jack too! Gotta keep those sequels from screwing things up.

Dammit Will! So I guess we *can* blame him for the sequels.

Naturally through some wacky antics they manage to free Jack, but the Navy is hot on their trail! Not to worry, Jack and Will have…a rope! Huh, you really think that’s gonna work?

Luckily the Navy gets the strength to recover from that rope and they corner Jack and Will with their guns. Oh right, gun beats rope! However Elizabeth steps in revealing that she cares more for Jack and Will as pirates than she does for Commodore Norrington as a Naval officer. This breaks his heart and my patience which eventually results in Jack escaping, but not before giving us this gem.

*Elizabeth…it would never have worked between us darling.*

*I reserve the right to be kind of into you for the next two movies.*

Jack exits as gracefully as you would expect and gets picked up by his crew mates who now see the pirate’s code as more guidelines than actual rules. He’s renamed the captain of the Black Pearl and we end what’s definitely the best Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

I think the main takeaway from a film like this is that you shouldn’t think about it too hard. It certainly has moments like I mentioned previously that are hard to believe and stretch your suspension of disbelief, but when you look past those elements, you can still appreciate a fun adventure with some great action, energy, and laughs. Where I draw the line is with the characters that don’t add anything to the story and actively drag it down. Namely Will and Elizabeth. Mostly Will though. Don’t get me wrong, I did point out moments where Elizabeth was interesting and even funny, but the way I see it: would you watch this movie if she was the focus? Exactly. Would you watch this movie if Will was the focus? Definitely not. At least how the characters are currently written and, in Will’s case, acted.

What’s undeniable however is the lasting impression this film had on the people who saw it, because it managed to bring a concept like pirates back into the mainstream again. At the time this film came out ‘pirates as a blockbuster hit’ was practically unheard of. I suppose it goes to show that when you take a new spin on any concept, even if it seems tired on the surface, it can give you some really unforgettable moments. Sure we’ve all heard of pirates hunting for treasure, but have you ever heard of pirates giving treasure back? Oh, tell me more. That’s essentially what this movie boils down to, yet it does of course still keep to the basic idea of what a pirate is: robbing and killing for their own selfish ends. If you’re looking for an off-beat adventure for this weekend movie night, this is a hearty party you won’t want to miss.

As far as ratings are concerned, I feel like this movie has earned itself a 4/5 skeletons. The good moments are still really good and I think they do a great job of overshadowing the more boring parts of the film that either involve long boring conversations or boring unneeded characters. I can see people being off-put by that sort of thing though (heck, it was trying my patience as you saw) which is why I can’t give it a 4.5/5 unfortunately.