The Dark Crystal

Disclaimer:

The film I’m reviewing today is rated: PG

I know that PG nowadays means ‘Practically G’, but back in 1982 PG actually meant something!

There will be some frightening images included in this review, so please: reader discretion is advised.

Now that we’ve moved on from Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, I’m excited to finally be doing more one-off films because let’s be real, it feels like forever since I’ve done one of these (thanks Disney). What a way to start off as well with a truly creative film from a truly creative duo (Jim Henson & Frank Oz): The Dark Crystal. One thing that’s certain even if you haven’t heard of this film before, is that the visuals and designs are instantly attention getting just from the poster alone (courtesy of Brian Froud). That’s what I’ve always loved about Jim Henson’s puppetry, not only does it have a distinct style that helps it stand out among other children’s designs, fantasies, or children’s fantasies, but having an emphasis on practical effects has always helped me to create a closer connection with what’s on screen. Just knowing that what you’re seeing is an actual tangible thing that can be made and found in reality helps give it that extra bit of authenticity and even helps the film seem grander as a cinematic motion picture should. Aside from the beautiful puppetry, there are still other things to appreciate in this movie such as its consistently harsher tone unlike most other kid’s films nowadays, much like The NeverEnding Story I reviewed a while ago, and its sense of adventure and wonderment.

One thing I will note about the film is that the world isn’t especially well-developed. You may start to notice this when you watch it yourself, but there are certain aspects of the world the characters inhabit that aren’t explained and leave you a bit confused. I recall watching this movie as a kid myself and not always understanding what exactly I was watching and why things were the way that they were. Part of why this is though is because the concept and basic idea for the film started with the idea of creating a specific look and style while the story itself was more secondary. Not to say that the creators of the film didn’t intend for there not to be any sort of deep concepts or complex ideas explored in the film through the story, but a lot of this was also hindered by the initial reaction this movie had with test audiences. Since they weren’t expecting this type of film from this type of creative team, they ended up hating it and as a result the studio requested several post-production changes which I think weakened the final product and didn’t allow every detail of the world the characters inhabited to be properly explored on screen.

Later it would be further explored and the world more developed with the release of novels, comics, and of course a Netflix adaptation down the road fleshing out these concepts completely, but the original film can leave a bit to be desired in that regard. So, how does it hold up overall? Well, that’s what we’re here to find out!

Grab that crystal shard and fulfill the prophecy by taking a look at The Dark Crystal with me!

As the opening credits roll, we get what’s in my opinion the best part of this movie followed by the worst part of this movie.

The best part: the beautiful design.

For what’s clearly model work, this shot still sucks me in from the look and feel alone. It immediately makes me want to know more about this world, see it in action, and how everything works.

The worst part: they’re going to tell me in excruciating detail.

*A thousand years ago this land was green and good until the Crystal cracked. For a single piece was lost, a shard of the Crystal. Then strife began and two new races appeared*.

I should also make it very clear, I don’t blame the filmmakers themselves for this addition. As I mentioned in the introduction, the studio demanded several post-production changes following the horrible test audience reception and the filmmakers were forced to add and take away parts that they didn’t want to for the sake of pleasing the higher-ups. To put things in perspective, Jim Henson himself at one point even said that he considered dialogue in movies to be a sort of ‘crutch’ for filmmakers who’re unable to get across their ideas visually. From this opening, I totally agree with that statement. What we have is a narrator (voiced by Joseph O’Conor) that was obviously thrown in against the creators’ wishes and he gives us a massive exposition dump within the first 5 minutes of the film. I can only assume that the original opening to the movie was more quiet and vague while still allowing you to appreciate the brilliant artistry on screen and getting you intrigued for what was to come later. The reason I say that is because one of the original test audience’s notes for the movie was that it was too hard to follow. However, let’s give it a try. I’ll give you several shots from the intro back-to-back without the narrator’s dialogue and think about how interested you would be in watching the rest of this movie just from these images on their own.

Anyway, I’m not sure how you felt through that image gallery, but I know these shots on their own are definitely intriguing to me (one of them maybe a bit too intriguing) and any of them by themselves would be enough to get me interested in where this movie goes. However, we constantly have the looming presence of the narrator, which I know is intended to help the audience understand more about this world, but kind of like At World’s End (I hate to make that comparison with this movie, because it’s clear this film is far superior to Disney’s PG-13 table scraps) the more they explain the less I seem to understand. To put it in context I’m going to put everything the narrator says in this intro here for you to read (you can skip it if you want). Would you say all this dialogue pulls you more or less into this world?

“Another world, another time in the age of wonder. A thousand years ago this land was green and good until the Crystal cracked. For a single piece was lost, a shard of the Crystal. Then strife began and two new races appeared. The cruel Skeksis. The gentle Mystics. Here in the castle of the Crystal, the Skeksis took control. Now the Skeksis gather in the sacred chamber where the Crystal hangs above a shaft of air and fire. The Skeksis, with their hard and twisted bodies, their harsh and twisted wills. For a thousand years they have ruled, yet now there are only 10. A dying race ruled by a dying emperor imprisoned within themselves in a dying land. Today, once more, they gather at the Crystal as the first sun climbs to its peak, for this is the way of the Skeksis. As they ravage the land so, too, they learn to draw new life from the sun. Today, once more, they will replenish themselves, cheat death again, through the power of their source, their treasure, their fate, the Dark Crystal. But today, the ceremony of the sun gives no comfort. Today, an emperor lies dying. Today, a new emperor must seize the throne. A thousand years ago, the Crystal cracked. And here, far from the castle, the race of Mystics came to live in a dream of peace. Their ways were the gentle ways of natural wizards. Yet now, there are only 10. A dying race numbly rehearsing the ancient ways in a blur of forgetfulness. But today the ritual gives no comfort. Today the wisest of the Mystics lies dying. Today they summon the one who must save them. In the valley of the Mystics there lives a Gelfling, Jen. The Skeksis killed his family, destroyed his clan. Only Jen survived to be raised by the wisest of the Mystics. But there is a prophecy. A thousand years have passed and now, once more, the world must undergo a time of testing. Now it must be healed or pass forever into the rule of evil. At this time, Jen is the chosen one. Today, Jen’s pipe gives no comfort, for today his master lies dying and a journey must begin. The journey of Jen.”

I don’t mind if you skipped all that, but at the very least you must’ve noticed just how long it is whether you read it or not. Granted I know that this dialogue isn’t necessarily spewed at you as quickly as possible, there are pauses and moments of silence included in the intro to take in the imagery along with more opening credits, but the main point is that I think this sort of thing works better as a novel. When you’re working with a particular storytelling medium you want to play to the advantages that specific medium has, and long, wordy explanations definitely work better in written form than in filmed form. Instead of feeling the ideas that are being presented to us visually we’re instead told about them in what’s essentially an abridged version of The Lord of the Rings appendices. Once again I want to make it clear that I know this isn’t the filmmakers’ fault, I’m just noting what I see in front of me. Regardless of who was responsible for this decision it still made its way into the movie so I feel like I should comment on it. Anyway -

Yes, of course. I’m sorry, I know this review is very front-loaded but unfortunately a lot of what makes this movie awesome and difficult to follow at the same time becomes clear very early on.

One of the things you may also notice is when our main character Jen (performed by Jim Henson and voiced by Stephen Garlick) goes to visit his dying master, there are a lot of other fantasy clichés we’ve heard a million times pop up in this final exchange they have together. First off is of course the death of the mentor which has been done to death along with the prophecy story and the chosen one trope.

*The prophecy says you must find the shard.*

*But master I'm only a Gelfling, I mean a Hobbit, I mean a kid, I mean a farm boy, I mean a deck hand, I mean a janitor, I mean whatever the heck Link is.*

Despite not having many original ideas to start out on, what sticks with me the most is still the look and feel of this world. It does get more interesting when we see the wise Mystic start to pass away only for it to cut away and show the emperor of the Skeksis passing away as well implying a subtle connection between the Mystics and the Skeksis. If you happened to be paying attention during the narrator’s speech you may have noticed that he already mentioned this, so I think it still would’ve hit harder if the narrator stuff from earlier was cut out. You would’ve ended up drawing a connection between the two races yourself based on visual clues as opposed to it being spelled out for you. That would’ve created a deeper connection between you and the on screen material, but we just have to live with what we got.

With very little to go off of (why is it in every one of these stories the mentor keeps all the important info from the supposed chosen one until the 11th hour?) except the fact that he needs to find a crystal shard at the home of a woman named Aughra, Jen sets out on his journey and another thing that can be a little confusing is when the characters are supposed to be thinking. Occasionally you’ll see Jen speaking without his mouth moving which I think is supposed to be him thinking to himself, but it’s not made very clear. If I had to guess it’s another last minute addition the filmmakers had to do in order to please the studio, but again it’s one of those things you could cut out and not miss much. That and the music in this movie is actually pretty good. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s one of the great film scores, but it definitely helps give life to relatively mundane scenes such as this one.

I promise this is a much cooler scene with the music.
That and you may not be surprised to know that in these far away shots is when they brought in actors to wear costumes instead of using puppets to play the characters so they could move more realistically.
Especially in the more action-packed scenes, techniques like these were needed to keep the energy high.

Meanwhile the Skeksis are having trouble figuring out who the next emperor is going to be. You know, for a race that’s been around for a thousand years you’d think they’d have fleshed out a line of succession by now. This is also when we’re officially introduced to my favorite character: Chamberlain (performed by Frank Oz and voiced by Barry Dennen). Believe me, he’s a laugh riot every time he’s on screen! Not only does he have this air of sinister creepiness about him, but he’s also just odd to the point where I can’t help but laugh every time I see him. Another production note I think I should bring up is that each of the Skeksis were modeled after one of the 7 Deadly Sins. It’s my personal belief that Chamberlain was modeled after Lust. Don’t believe me? Listen to this:

Chamberlain can get it.

Since Chamberlain is trying to pull a fast one on everyone and steal the emperor’s scepter to become the emperor himself, one of the other Skeksis gets mad at him and challenges him to a ‘Trial by Stone’. Wait, what?

I know, but what does that mean?

So apparently what this means is they each get a sword to whack this stone with and whoever makes the strongest whack (( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) becomes the next emperor. Chamberlain ends up losing though and gets banished from the kingdom while the rest of the Skeksis tear off his robes to strip him of his status.

*Was it hot?*
With Chamberlain it's always hot.

After this bit of excitement the Skeksis get a radio call from the Dark Crystal showing them that Jen has begun his journey so it’s possible the prophecy could still be fulfilled and the Skeksis could be overthrown. They don’t like this at all so they send their beetle minions out to capture Jen while Jen himself makes it to Aughra’s home. Not gonna lie, Aughra (performed by Frank Oz and voiced by Billie Whitelaw) might be a close second for me as far as favorite characters go. She’s also absolutely hilarious whenever she’s on screen (though much like Chamberlain she’s not on screen that much): she has this complete IDGAF (I don’t give a frick) attitude, is pretty crazy and weird in a movie that’s already pretty crazy and weird, can pull out her eye for reasons not explained but is still pretty funny, and is in a constant state of annoyed/confused.

Even here the world building can be pretty flimsy, though. As soon as Jen walks into Aughra’s house, this is the first thing he sees.

I'm not saying it isn't well designed (because it very much is), I'm just confused as to what this world is trying to be right now.
Are we fantasy, are we steampunk, are we sci-fi, what are we doing?

It kinda takes me back to an argument I made in my last review on Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. I said in that review that the content of the film didn’t justify the running time since it felt like practically nothing happened yet the movie was still over 2 hours. What I concluded is that a movie should have a reason to be as long or as short as it is. This is actually a movie I think would benefit from being a bit longer. It’s only an hour and a half and I’m wondering if the time constraint made it more difficult to fully flesh out the ideas that were present in the original version. Maybe if there were at least 15 more minutes to explore the material then scenes like these would have more of a reason to be here. I wonder if in the end the studio thought that children wouldn’t watch a film that long so they limited their time to 90 minutes. Considering the mostly fantastical and epic tone this movie has going for it, I wouldn’t mind a bit of a longer running time, especially since it has a world I’d love to learn more about.

As Jen’s master told him though, Aughra has the crystal shard he needs to fulfill the prophecy, but she has a whole bunch of them. Which one is it?

*Which one is it?*
Hey, that's what I said!

I also love the honesty of this line.

Since Aughra’s less than helpful, Jen has to figure out which one it is. He eventually gets the idea to play a tone on his pipe to see if any of the shards react to it. This is actually a clever callback to when the Mystics were chanting a similar tone to call Jen earlier in the movie, and eventually this results in the true crystal shard being identified. Unfortunately, soon after the discovery of the crystal shard the beetle minions from earlier Kool-Aid Man their way through the wall to try to kidnap Jen, but he manages to give them the slip. In the process they destroy Aughra’s home and end up kidnapping her instead of Jen, but for now Jen thinks Aughra’s dead.

Wait, how'd you make it here so fast?
We haven't seen you for 9 minutes of screen time and we're supposed to totally believe you made it *this* far already?

Soon after we get a subtle scene involving the Mystics back home starting a trek to the Skeksis’ castle. We’re not sure why they’re making this journey now, but we will eventually. In fact, the duality of the Mystics and the Skeksis is probably one of my favorite magical concepts in the movie. It’s one of those few things I think were left unchanged after the test audience screening and it really shows because it’s very interesting. As the movie goes on we’ll see various different ways in which the Mystics and the Skeksis are one in the same, but for now they’re just trekkin’ along towards the castle.

Back with Jen, he seems to have made his way into a really cool abstract forest/swamp place where he’s mulling over what he should do with the shard. Again, it would’ve been great if he had this info ahead of time. After catching a quick glimpse of how the Crystal was cracked in the first place (It was the Skeksis in the Crystal Chamber with the scepter), Jen hear’s some rustling in the brush until we’re introduced to a cute little fuzzball.

This is Fizzgig (performed by Dave Goelz and voiced by Percy Edwards) and I’ll give it to the filmmakers, some of these characters are really fun to watch. I know that the animal sidekick trope is also one that’s been done so many times it’s not even funny, but I think I like this one for how much it represents the core of the film to me. At his heart Fizzgig is pretty adorable, yet he also has a kinda creepy design that reflects the tone of the film as well. In a way it kinda reminds me of Zero from The Nightmare Before Christmas where he adds a much needed levity to the film, but doesn’t stray too far from its dark roots.

Just looking at this picture you can see how someone could find him cuddly, but you can equally see how someone could see him as their sleep paralysis monster.

Where did this bundle of merkins come from? Fizzgig’s owner Kira (performed by Kathryn Mullen and voiced by Lisa Maxwell) comes out from behind the trees and also happens to be a Gelfling herself! Upon meeting Jen she grabs his hand to help him out of the mud when this happens.

I actually like this moment since it brings in this idea of Gelflings having a sort of psychic connection between each other that we wouldn’t know about and it’s shown in a pretty cool way. The problem I have with it is much like the problem I had with the introduction though, because again the imagery is weakened by the inclusion of dialogue that just isn’t needed. The whole time we’re watching this interesting flashback sequence involving both Jen and Kira’s memories, but they refuse to shut up the whole time. Most importantly as well: none of what they say is vital to the story or understanding their characters and is also occasionally just stating the obvious.

*I'm having a bath.*
So *that's* why you're in a small puddle of water with no clothes and being washed by your former master, I never would've put that together!

It’s really unfortunate there was as much studio interference in this production as there was, because I think there could’ve been some really interesting emotions explored just through looking at memories of both our protagonists with no dialogue and just music. In the end though I shouldn’t ruminate so much on what this film could’ve been and instead appreciate it for what it is. Since Jen is still stuck in the mud and starting to sink, Kira reveals she has the power to talk to animals and manages to get an underwater creature to lift Jen out of the bog. Trust me, this will be a helpful tactic later in the movie. Kira ends up leading Jen to the next scene, and I will say this transition is both messed up and pretty funny.

Back with the Skeksis, they’re partaking in not the grossest dinner scene I’ve ever watched, but it’s probably in the top 10-15. We also see the beetle minions from earlier return with a wriggling sack. Turns out it’s only Aughra. What’s great about this isn’t just that the beetle guards clearly lied on their résumés, but Aughra just stands there and roasts them for a solid minute or two while the Skeksis just let her do it! Of course they eventually throw her in a cage, but you’d think after throwing around insults like that the punishment would be closer to beheading. Not only that, but Aughra also grabs a goblet off of the Skeksis’ table and they let her keep it! What the heck?! No one raises so much as an “Um…?”

Anyway, while Kira and Jen carry on with their journey they come across a crystal bat on the river. What’s a crystal bat you might ask? Crystal bats are essentially scouts for the Skeksis that are able to transmit whatever they see back to the Dark Crystal for the Skeksis to see. Though it does beg the follow-up question: what crystal are they made of then? They can’t be made of Dark Crystal pieces, because then there wouldn’t be just one crystal shard for Jen to reunite with the Crystal. Jen would have to bring the crystal shard he already has along with any crystal bats back to the Dark Crystal and use all of them to heal it. By the end he only needs the crystal shard he already has, so that can’t be right, but then how are the crystal bats able to transmit whatever they see to the Dark Crystal? Quick, something distract me before I think about it too hard!

Thank you.
Also don't worry about it too much, that's the only crystal bat you'll see in the movie.

While the Mystics continue to trudge forth on their journey, Kira ends up leading Jen to her adopted home. Here Jen meets her Podling family and the Podlings are basically a race of creatures that embrace the simple side of life like farming, feasting, laughing, partying, and not being slaves until the Skeksis turn them into slaves. They’re kinda like Hobbits that way except I can’t really say that since Gelflings are already kinda the Hobbit stand-ins, so I won’t. I will give props to the creators though because the language the Podlings speak was actually based on Serbo-Croatian which I think is pretty cool. Also, I can’t help but perk up every time I see this scene.

Yeah, I can vibe to this.
It's unfortunate I can't include the music from this scene, but if you're interested I highly recommend it.
I promise you won't be disappointed.

The fun can’t last forever though because the beetle-y brothers Kool-Aid Man their way through the walls again (seriously, what’s up with that?) and destroy everyone’s vibe! SUCH BUZZKILLS! Also their home, oh no... Kira and Jen manage to make it out okay with the help of…Chamberlain(…?), but not without several of the Podlings getting captured and taken to the castle to become slaves for the Skeksis. I should point out that it’s kinda weird how Chamberlain managed to call off the beetle borgs considering that he’s completely lost his standing at this point. Either way, Jen can’t help but blame himself for bringing the slimy-yet-satisfying soldiers down upon the friends he just met and throws the crystal shard away. Dude…I get you’re upset, but that was just dumb. Kira comforts him by letting him know it wasn’t his fault. The mean team has always come by their home.

WAIT - 2 questions:

1 - If the black riders always made regular visits to the Podlings’ home then why did Kira think it was a good idea to hang out there for a while when they could very well come back later?

2 - Since the Podlings have gotten used to regular encounters from Nega-Bug X, WHY WERE THEY JUST PARTYING THEN?! Did they miss the part where the Armored Aragog Army makes regular visits to their home?! Why wouldn’t they have moved to a different spot at this point?!

I know that’s technically 4 questions, but they needed to be asked.

The next morning after we see the Mystics are still marching, we see our two protagonists sleeping in the forest and I think Jen just scored.

*Where are we?*
No, definitely not if that's the first thing out of your mouth.

They get up to see a shrine close by them with writing on it while Jen completely ignores the shard he threw the night before (pick it up!). Written on the shrine is the prophecy explaining how the Skeksis will fall by Gelfling hands, and I think now is a good time to mention that the Skeksis were originally going to have their own language too. It was going to be a combination of ancient Greek and ancient Egyptian which you can see in the writing on the shrine, but the test audiences complained that they didn’t know what the Skeksis are saying. Ultimately I think the producer Gary Kurtz had a pretty good response to that: “The Skeksis don’t have any interesting dialogue, it’s all pretty banal.” Granted that’s not exactly what he said (I’m paraphrasing a bit), but that was his main point behind the comment. After hearing that, I see what he means. All of their dialogue is pretty bland.

I’m not saying it’s bad necessarily, but it’s nothing flashy either. If the Skeksis did happen to speak in their own language then you wouldn’t have to listen to them repeat the same lines over and over and you’d have to feel what the Skeksis were saying which could potentially allow you to read even more into their dialogue. Also it would definitely be pretty alien considering that the Skeksis are clearly not anything resembling humans. Either way, the only remnants we have of that concept are the carvings on the shrine here.

Through this chance encounter with the prophecy Jen is able to figure out what his quest is supposed to be exactly. Take the crystal shard to the Dark Crystal and put it back where it belongs. At first I thought “Well no dip, Sherlock” but the more I thought about it, I don’t think it was actually clear until this point when I watched this film the first time as a kid. For that reason I’ll give it a pass. They’re eventually interrupted by Chamberlain who’s being his usual creepy self and trying to convince them to come back to the castle with him, help him reclaim his status, and make peace with the Skeksis. Fizzgig calls him out on his BS and they run away only for Kira to call upon the help of the first draft Silt Strider concepts for Morrowind.

You may want to get that lawsuit pointer finger ready.
(Joke, I'm joking.)

These are Landstriders and Kira helps Jen use them to make it to the castle. Kira initially opts to leave Fizzgig behind to keep him safe, but he ends up convincing her to let him come in his cutest scene.

Back with the Skeksis in the castle, we get to the scene that scarred a generation. The Scientist Skeksi takes one of the newly captured Podlings and uses the Dark Crystal to drain their life essence from their body. In case you’re curious, this is what it looks like.

Ah, childhood trauma.
To that same token though, couldn't the Podling just...close their eyes?
Why has no one considered that option?

The emperor Skeksi comes in soon after and we see that the Podling essence is supposed to rejuvenate the Skeksis if they drink it. It’s not nearly as strong as Gelfling essence though, because soon after drinking the essence the de-aging effects wear off. This’ll come back into play later, but for now Jen and Kira arrive at the entrance to the castle where the Mighty Devils are waiting for them. So, how will Jen and Kira make it out of this one? The Landstriders end up sacrificing themselves. I guess the movie is just in a mood right now. Using Kira’s wings that she only just revealed she has, they escape Mothra’s children by floating down a nearby valley. Why does Kira have wings you might ask?

[JEN] *Wings? I don't have wings!*
[KIRA] *Of course not! You're a boy.*

They make their way inside the castle with Chamberlain close behind. Seriously, how has he managed to keep up with them this whole time?! We’ve clearly seen that Chamberlain tends not to move with a purpose and when he does it’s usually more of a fast-paced waddle. Kira and Jen were also on Landstriders which are clearly much faster than him, so how does that work? Anyway, after making their way inside, Chamberlain confronts them again only for Jen to cut his hand with the crystal shard. This is where the connection between the Skeksis and the Mystics becomes especially interesting to me, because as soon as we see the blood ooze out of Chamberlain’s wound, we get another shot of a Mystic as well.

...my hand.
That's just really cool to me, and it would make more sense as well that the connection between the Skeksis and the Mystics would become stronger closer to the Great Conjunction.

Chamberlain retaliates by burying Jen alive (don’t worry, he’ll be fine) and takes Kira to go see the rest of the Skeksis. At first they can’t decide what to do with her until the emperor makes the choice to drain her life essence and then kill her. Told you it was gonna come back into play. Although, part of me can’t help but wonder if the scene with the Podling’s essence being sucked out was only put in the movie because they forgot to put in an essence scene earlier or if it was cut from the movie by order of the studio. Speaking of cut content, there was also originally going to be a scene of the Skeksis having a funeral for the first emperor we saw die in the beginning. Granted that wouldn’t have played much of a part in the story I still think it could’ve been interesting.

In the meantime Fizzgig manages to dig Jen out while Kira is put in the essence draining machine by the Scientist Skeksi. However, she’s the only one to do the smart thing and resist the Crystal. Who’da thunk?! Since there are several animals in the science chamber (I’m assuming for research purposes), Kira calls to all of them and they manage to bust out of their cages and push the Scientist Skeksi down the Dark Crystal shaft into the pit of fire below. We then get another cool Mystic parallel.

Just a nice quiet moment letting everything sink in.
That's all you need.

As it were, Kira uses the animals to break herself out and make it back to the Crystal Chamber, Jen makes his way to the Crystal Chamber as well with Fizzgig’s help, and the Mystics arrive at the castle as well. Unfortunately, as the Great Conjunction begins, the Skeksis also want a front-row seat and crowd the Crystal Chamber as well. Yes folks, we’re in climax territory! With the crystal shard in tow, Jen positions himself above the Dark Crystal where he can slip the shard back into it.

I don't think that's how crystals crack, but you know what, sure.

Here’s where Fizzgig starts to get noticeably unhelpful, because he starts making a ruckus drawing the attention of the Skeksis and the mutant lobsters. With nowhere else to go, Jen gets into position above the Crystal and jumps onto it only to drop the shard. Wow. Good news is that it’s not completely over because the shard didn’t fall down the pit, so Fizzgig redeems himself by biting the emperor and Kira jumps down onto the floor and grabs the shard. She throws it to Jen (he firmly grasps it this time) and she earns herself a knife in the back for her trouble. She’ll be fine. As the Great Conjunction takes place Jen rams the shard into the hole and the Crystal is healed. Right then is when the Mystics come in and reconnect with the Skeksis. As the prophecy said, the two are made one and the Mystics and the Skeksis merge together to become:

Whatever the frick these things are.
They might actually be the creepiest things in this movie.

It’s not very well explained but they bring Kira back to life, the Podling slaves are returned to normal, the crittery jiggers are destroyed and the world is returned to its former glory. That’s where it ends. Or rather just kinda stops. It would’ve been nice to have at least some kind of denouement with these characters before leaving so abruptly, but that’s more or less what I expect given the film’s background at this point.

One thing you might be feeling after all of that is at least kinda confused. I know despite watching this film several times for this review there are still details in this movie I don’t understand. What did happen after the two races were reunited? How long did it take for the world to return to normal? How do the Podlings and Kira talk to animals? Where did the prophecy come from? Was Chamberlain supposed to be the main antagonist? He didn’t get a lot of focus after he captured Kira, so what happened to him? What’s Aughra’s backstory? What was the world like for 1,000 years under Skeksi rule? Sorry, I know there are a lot of questions here, and these are barely scratching the surface, but I can’t help but feel like there’s so much here that we’re not seeing and we weren’t allowed to see. After all that I have to repeat that I 100% do not blame the filmmakers for the final product. Most of the issues with this film stem from the filmmakers trying to please a panicking studio after a bad initial screening. Although, like I said before about not trying to judge this movie for what it could’ve been, let’s take a look at what it is.

Even despite the inconsistencies, confusing plot threads, and unexplained details, I can’t help but like this movie. The filmmakers went into this project knowing exactly what they wanted to accomplish, even if they didn’t get the chance to fully present that on screen, and despite the cuts and alterations there are still plenty of original designs and ideas that shine through in the finished piece. With interesting styles, beautiful puppetry, good music, and the desire to challenge and show respect for the children they made the film for it’s hard for me not to like this movie. Jim Henson said that he believes it’s more scarring to make a child believe that they’re safe 100% of the time and I agree with that. This movie has imagery, designs, and ideas that can be creepy or even scary to kids, because in the end it’s closer to what the real world is like. Not only are there dangerous, frightening creatures, and people, but there are still plenty of things to love and appreciate about the world we live in. There’s a middle ground I believe children’s films need to strike between too positive and too negative and I believe The Dark Crystal does a good job of finding that middle ground. If you’ve never seen this film, feel free to check it out. If you have but it’s been a minute, do what I did and relive the good and the creepy of your childhood for your weekend movie night this week.

I think I’ll give this movie a 3.5/5 amethysts. In the end I still can’t deny the problems that are apparent from beginning to end, but to that same token I think this film is still a truly unforgettable watch that will stick with you and your children forever. While the problems prevent me from rating it any higher (like, say a 4/5), there are still far too many good elements in my opinion to pass up this movie completely.

(I make no claim of ownership for any of the images used in this post)

(Each of them are owned entirely by their respective copyright holders, which are not me)

(I’m just a humble blogger who talks about movies, I do not make them)

(Yet)

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